Oraganisational Confusion

There was mass confusion in South Africa today as the World Cup organisers sent the Slovenian, Slovakian and Serbian squads to the wrong base camps. When a FIFA representative finally came out to talk to the assembled press about this embarrassing failure, he was a little less apologetic than we were expecting.

“Look, they are all Eastern European countries that begin with an S and end in an A. Do you think you could do any better? I mean seriously, look at these flags. Can you tell me which one is which?”

At which point we had to all admit that we couldn’t, but that it wasn’t our job to do so. Surely they could have put a bit more care into their preparations?

“Come on guys, everyone knows none of these teams will win it, so does it really matter you puts them out?”

You can’t argue with logic like that…. 

3 Shocks For The 3 Lions

There were some shocks surrounding England’s World Cup warm-up match against Japan yesterday.

• Man Utd’s star player, ‘Own Goal’ gets a call-up to the England squad.
• There was a point in the match when Rooney had the ball and the commentator failed to make a sycophantic comment. He has since been sacked and will face trial for treason.
• Lampard scored a penalty after 17 attempts in training.

USA! USA! USA!

Reporting for Bizarro from Washington D.C. - Brad Schpiedelhacker

Bring it in people it’s the big one. The Soccer World Cup straight from the country of South Africa, home of Nelson Mandela. There’s gonna be a fandemonium out there! For those of you unfamiliar with soccer, here’s a quick look at our opponents.

Algeria: They’ll be playing on home turf here with the games taking place in Africa, so could pose a threat. This is their 3rd appearance at the big one, with their key player being Yazid Mansouri, aka The Wildman.

Slovenia: A European minnow we can only compare to the Memphis Grizzlies. If we can’t beat them we should just pack our bags and come home. I can’t say I’m completely aware of their geographical location, but I doubt they will last long in the African heat and not even their star player, Milivoje Novakovic (aka Prime Time) can save them from elimination.

England: Our main adversaries for the top classification spot. They’ve got the English equivalent of Wayne Gretzky in offence - Wayne Rooney, aka The Wonder Kid. Indomitable at the big house during the qualification period we have to take them very seriously. This is their 12^th appearance at the big one, having won it once in 1966 at the big house, Wembley, London. England.

Holy cow I’m pumped. Bring it on sportsfans! 

Exclusive - William Gallas Reports On France Squad

In an incredible coup for Bizarro World Cup Blog, we have managed to secure the services of some of the biggest names in football for our behind-the-scenes reporting on various world cup squads. We begin our coverage with this slightly unintelligible email from the France captain, William Gallas.

Monsieur Bizarro, I’m afraid I have some terrible news. The young players, they have no respect any more for the legends of the game. Today I walked into the changing room, and they did not all fall silent. I wasn’t expecting them to bow for me (although that would have been nice) but to continue their conversations was very arrogant. Do they not realise who I am? Without this respect, I fear for our chances in South Africa.

I told Raymond that I was too shocked to train today but he didn’t seem to mind as he was too busy with the horoscope, so the practice session was cancelled anyway.

After a nice lunch where I reminisced about the good old days with my great friend Thierry, we returned to the coach to find AD and HL (for the good of the team I will not be a whistleblower, but I should say that one is a tall midfielder at Arsenal who has a strangely shaped head and likes to give hospital passes, and the other is a goalkeeper with Lyon) sitting in our preferred seats. This was too much. I demanded they move, and they acted like it was all a joke. What is so funny about a 32-year-old legend of the national team getting upset about his seat on a bus?

Official Madness

After the success of the two extra officials in the Europa Cup, (after 842 games, one of them finally helped the ref give corner instead of a goal kick) Sep Blatter and Michel Platini have decided that more officials is the way forward. The World Cup will now feature 33 officials per match, with 1 following each player, 10 positioned around the pitch to spot when the ball crosses the line, and of course the head referee to coordinate them all. 

Mr Blatter responded to criticism of his plan by telling all the incredulous managers, players and assembled press that they should stop living in the past and embrace the future. In any case, there was nothing they could do about it as he had bribed a lot of people to get to where he was, and he wasn't going to let common sense get in his way now.