We arrived at England’s base camp in Rustenburg to full cavity search at the gates of the complex. Security was tight after the kidnapping of the original England squad. Once inside, we ventured over to the lounge where we found Schteve McClaren waiting for us.
BWC - ‘How are you Steve?’
SM - ‘Well, how you shay? Oim feeling shuper’
BWC - ‘Err Steve we’re members of the British press, you don’t need to try to impress us with your foreign accent,’
SM - ‘Yesh, we play the United Shtates of how you shay? America. Very good team, very strong team, too much fitness, you know?’
BWC - ‘Yeah we know that Steve we just wanted to know the reason behind some of the strange decisions you’d made in your squad, mainly why you’d chosen of all people Stewart Downing?’
SM - 'That's fantashtic question, but I have to go schart the training session with the boysh'
We watched the squad train for an hour, during which time nobody understood what Schteve was asking them to do, so the players eventually split into groups and did their own thing. Keown and Campbell took it upon themselves to run the defence through some drills, with Shearer and Sheringham doing the same for the strikers. This left Gaza, the most experienced creative player to look after the midfield. He did so by drinking 12 pints of lager, pulling some funny faces, stripping off completely naked and running onto the pitch to smash a free kick perfectly in the top corner and then passing out.
This reporter is very excited by the enthusiasm of this England squad and their manager, and can't wait to see how they do.
great stuff!
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