Greece Update

Having scoured the top hotels in Austria in search of a world cup squad to interview, Bizzaro received a tip from a local that he had seen some strange activity at the Hostel Schiesser, where a very loud German man was ordering around a bunch of foreigners. I had struck gold, as the loud man in question was none other than the dictatorial coach of the Greek national team, Otto Rehhagel.

Rehhagel had instigated a media blackout after some of his players complained about his cost-cutting measures, so getting in to speak to anyone was not going to be easy. Due to the Greek financial crisis, the players had to go without simple luxuries such as hot water, soap, and bread. According to one member of Rehhagel’s backroom staff, the players had to hand in all of their possessions, including mobile phones, credit cards and even photographs of loved ones. There was even a plan to hitch-hkie to South Africa to save on plane tickets.

Rehaggel was running a tight ship but Bizarro managed to sneak into the players’ shared dorm after dark to get the reaction of Liverpool centre-back Sotirios Kyrgiakos. When I asked him how the players felt about Rehaggel he replied, “The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle was over, even a god-king can bleed.”

Quite. By the time I queried what sort of dietary regime the players were following now that cost-cutting was playing such a major part in their preparations, Sotirios was in full flow. “Tonight, we dine in hell!”

This reporter can’t wait to see this Greek team unleashed onto the rest of the world. Assuming they survive their journey to South Africa.