Capello Escapes!

In an astounding turn of events it appears that Fabio Capello and his assistant Franco Baldini have escaped the clutches of the evil hostage takers. We were at the press conference that Fabio gave and here is what he had to say.

"I am very 'appy because we 'av escaped but I do not understand these players. They 'av no respect. They 'av no understanding. They are not the same player I 'ad in qualification. I tell them is very easy to escape just follow my instruction, but is like I talk to idiots who don't understand simple directions."

Rumour has it that the operation was dependent on Wayne Rooney but he tripped over his own feet, got angry at himself and accidentally knocked himself out whilst in a rage. Lampard was asked to take over the lead role but nobody could find him. It was as though he had turned invisible. That was when John Terry decided to take charge of the situation only to be ignored by the rest of the squad because, frankly, they just don't like him.